Can the right person make a narc want to change their ways? Is love that powerful? Has anyone seen this or experience it?

Think of it this way: nothing about your relationship with the narc was real, because he isn’t capable of being real and, darling, no matter how much you pour, water has no effect on fake flowers.

If you’ve been devalued and discarded, the narcissist is already love-bombing someone else and tailoring their manipulation so this new person believes they’re the one exception to the rule, too.

When people talk about the way they love-bombed and mirrored us and wore a mask for us, it isn’t just so we fall in love fast; it’s so that we believe we’re their One, that deep down we connected with them in a way no-one else ever did. And because we think that, we’ll never let them go.

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He was appealing to my need to feel worthy; special. Imagining that you’re the one person alive who can save this incredible person you’re obsessed with is very, very powerful. The truth is, it feeds our own narcissism. That’s not an easy thing to admit, but it’s true.

Not a single person on earth can love the narcissism out of someone with NPD. Most therapists aren’t able to even make a dent, and that’s if the narcissist even wants to change, and 99.9999% don’t, because they don’t think they’re the problem. Even if they know they’re different, they think their differences make them superior.

I’m not trying to be harsh or cruel… but if there’s one thing that will help you to start moving on, it will be giving up the idea that the narcissist can change, and that if you just hold on, your love will be the catalyst.

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Because that’s what the narcissist wanted us to think.

They don’t have the capacity to - their brains physically lack the parts that are responsible for love and empathy. They will never love us, care about us, or want us for anything more than what they can use us for.

I promise you, most of us have been there. And, I’m not trying to hurt you, but it’s bullshit.

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I truly understand how hard that is to comprehend - my ex was self-aware and used that self-awareness to make me believe he needed to be rescued from himself and I was the only one who could do it. Nonsense.

No. I’m sorry.

They will never, ever change. Never. Even if you truly feel you saw the “real him” - like glimpses in your peripheral vision… you didn’t. You saw what the narcissist wanted you to see.

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Every narcissist has a phone full of exes who are still clinging on, believing that one day, the narcissist will finally understand, and decide to change - for them.

Every single person who has truly loved a narcissist believed they were the one exception to the rule. Every single one of us. Do you know why?

I truly understand that deep in your soul you just know that you and he are different.

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Meanwhile, the narcissist truly doesn’t give a single fuck about any of them.

Every single person your narcissist has targeted thinks the exact same thing.

We’ll tolerate the silent treatments and the abuse and the cheating because we believe we know who they are deep down; we see them, and we’ll be the one who never abandons them, and one day they’ll finally realise that and our unconditional love will make them want to change…

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Please don’t lose months or years, hoping they’ll change. They won’t.